Tuesday, January 18, 2011

How long must we wait???

If you do not want the ugly truth about adoption, please stop reading!!! Waiting. Who would have guessed it to be so hard. We have a busy life with 2 great children. People have said that they figured that waiting would not be that difficult for us. I must admit, we do have a great life and our children keep us very entertained. I guess the part that is so hard for us is that our lives are on hold. We had this calling to add to our family and bring two children home and now we wait and wait. It never seems to leave your mind. You always think, will today be the day. 147 million orphans is the claim but it is not as easy to embrace them as you think. As days tick off of the calander, this process becomes very disheartening. You start stalking people in the blog world just to make sense of the wait. Hoping for any sign that your time might come soon. Holidays pass with you wishish that your new children could have been with you and shared in your joy as a family. Any news about Ethiopia and possible changes makes you want to literally throw up. How many fee changes, travel changes, program changes, wait time changes can we endure before we decide this might not be for us? In my heart I feel that we are doing the right thing but with so many people waiting, would these children be adopted even if we did not? Are we truely making a difference or do we just want to feel like we helped? These are the taunting questions that cross my mind. Have we lost it completely? What were we thinking? Then I go to sleep at night and dream about our children and everything seems to be ok. Will these dreams ever become reality. I hear people say that once you have your children that the wait just seems like nothing. I long for that day when I can look back and laugh at how crazy I have become. One foot in front of the other, day by day, minute by minute - We have to make it. I must see your sweet faces. Please Lord, do not let this wait be in vain! So for now we press on eagerly awaiting news, any news! I would settle for happy news for the people ahead of us on the list. Meg, please get a referral soon. Your 14 month wait makes me sad!

Thanks for listening, not all days in the process are happy! This is for Meg, this wait can just "suck it".

1 comment:

Meg said...

Suck it indeed! Thank you for this post, you took the words right out of my mouth. Especially the part about the fear when it comes to all the changes in Eth. adoption...

Until month 12 I was really doing fine, now I have a near-constant pit in my stomach -- I am honestly wondering if this will ever happen. But each new week brings a tiny glimmer of possibility. Hopefully there will be some sibling referrals this month. I used to think we were at the top of the list, but now I am not sure. UGH, enough already...=)I am annoying myself with all this complaining and pity-partying.

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